Caroline McConnaughey Smith
Stong-back, Soft-front
"All too often our so-called strength comes from fear, not love; instead of having a strong back, many of us have a defended front shielding a weak spine. In other words we walk around brittle and defensive, trying to conceal our lack of confidence...
"How can we give and accept care with a strong-back, soft-front compassion, moving past fear and into a place of genuine tenderness? I believe it comes about when we can be truly transparent, seeing the world clearly- and letting the world see into us." - Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death by Roshi Joan Halifax
Hello, my name is Caroline and I'm a recovering butt clencher, a hip thruster, a rib flarer, a chest puffer, and a teeth grinder.... a general all around tension holder.
I spent years hardening all around my heart so that things could just "roll of my chest". Eventually life and even people started, not rolling off, but bouncing off. I would steam roll into social situations with my big puffy chest and wonder, "why don't they like me? can't they see my big open heart?"And I would leave that much more hardened and isolated. What I didn't realize was that all of that hardening left no room for me to strengthen and heal from my wounds, and certainly no room for anyone else, despite how "open" I tried to be. Under my hard outer shell I had nothing actually holding me up on the inside. And on the inside I was falling apart.
I had lost sight of how valuable it was to soften, to receive, and to integrate, to digest, and internalize. I was so focused on moving forward that I couldn't even feel my own back. As a result my back muscles we constantly in spasm as they desperately tried to hold me together.
At first (and by 'at first' I mean for years) I dove into backbends, I tried to break my heart open with cobra and pigeon, danuransana - urdhva and viparita, but I would arrive in savasana with my eyes bugging out of my head, my temples pulsing, anger and restlessness twitching through my veins. With no understanding of how or why. No integration. No digestion. Just pure saturation of things I didn't have the strength to handle.
About 6 months ago I was in shoulder stand and I couldn't get my shoulder/hips/heels to align. I couldn't confidently move into my back body. It was a "ah.ha. holy shit." moment. I thought, "maybe this is why I hate purvottanasana and why standing splits are so hard, and why I can't balance in handstand...and, and, and... There's nothing back there! There is literally nothing holding me up!" I experienced a paradigm shift in my practice, specifically how I understood my practice and my path to healing and wellness.
We strengthen the back body to create softness, suppleness, receptivity, acceptance, understanding, compassion, balance, and tenderness. It is through this kind of work and attention that we can begin to be present and receptive for ourselves, so that we can truly show up for others. For wholeness is not contain in each and everyone of us, it is between us; it is beyond the boundaries of our bodies or individual story lines, it exists through community, altruism, and a soft open heart.
This is a home practice sequence I have been working with lately to strengthen my back and open my heart:
- Constructive rest (heels of palms at the heads of the femurs, gentle press 3x to deepen the inhale)
- cat/cow on the back with a block between the thighs to deepen the groins
- Tricky cat (3 breaths per side, 3 rounds)
- knees, chest, chin to the floor --> "gecko armed" low cobra 5x
- hands and knees with hands on blocks (higest facet) step to anjaneyasana (R+L)
- step forward, knees bent, chest to thighs, lead with the heart, press through utkatasana to stand
-tadasana with block between the thighs (focus on deepening groins, grounding in feet, and draping the ribs down to soften the heart, i like to think of the ribs like a heavy velvet curtain)
- 5-10 rounds of breath of joy with block between thighs (aka utkatasana squats with slow, deep inhales and big releasing exhales)
- From tadasana step out wide to left --> prasarita legs (knees slightly bend) walk upper body out to a down dog with hands on blocks --> 1/4 turn to front of mat, reorganize lunge --> 3 legged dog --> warrior1 -->chaturanga to floor-->salabasana--> bent knee down dog -->utkatasana, press to stand
-From tadasana step out wide to right--> prasarita twist --> finish above vinyasa, ending with salabasana
-from salabasana-->Sphinx
-prone savasana
-supta padangustasana A+B (r+l) focus on maintaining natural curves of spine
- ankle to knee (R+L) focus on maintaining natural curves of spine
-Constructive rest + gentle thigh press
- Savasana with lumbar support and blanket or belt to keep the legs neutral
Caroline McConnaughey Smith
Stong-back, Soft-front
Stong-back, Soft-front
"All too often our so-called strength comes from fear, not love; instead of having a strong back, many of us have a defended front shielding a weak spine. In other words we walk around brittle and defensive, trying to conceal our lack of confidence...
"How can we give and accept care with a strong-back, soft-front compassion, moving past fear and into a place of genuine tenderness? I believe it comes about when we can be truly transparent, seeing the world clearly- and letting the world see into us." - Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death by Roshi Joan Halifax
Hello, my name is Caroline and I'm a recovering butt clencher, a hip thruster, a rib flarer, a chest puffer, and a teeth grinder.... a general all around tension holder.
I spent years hardening all around my heart so that things could just "roll of my chest". Eventually life and even people started, not rolling off, but bouncing off. I would steam roll into social situations with my big puffy chest and wonder, "why don't they like me? can't they see my big open heart?"And I would leave that much more hardened and isolated. What I didn't realize was that all of that hardening left no room for me to strengthen and heal from my wounds, and certainly no room for anyone else, despite how "open" I tried to be. Under my hard outer shell I had nothing actually holding me up on the inside. And on the inside I was falling apart.
I had lost sight of how valuable it was to soften, to receive, and to integrate, to digest, and internalize. I was so focused on moving forward that I couldn't even feel my own back. As a result my back muscles we constantly in spasm as they desperately tried to hold me together.
At first (and by 'at first' I mean for years) I dove into backbends, I tried to break my heart open with cobra and pigeon, danuransana - urdhva and viparita, but I would arrive in savasana with my eyes bugging out of my head, my temples pulsing, anger and restlessness twitching through my veins. With no understanding of how or why. No integration. No digestion. Just pure saturation of things I didn't have the strength to handle.
About 6 months ago I was in shoulder stand and I couldn't get my shoulder/hips/heels to align. I couldn't confidently move into my back body. It was a "ah.ha. holy shit." moment. I thought, "maybe this is why I hate purvottanasana and why standing splits are so hard, and why I can't balance in handstand...and, and, and... There's nothing back there! There is literally nothing holding me up!" I experienced a paradigm shift in my practice, specifically how I understood my practice and my path to healing and wellness.
We strengthen the back body to create softness, suppleness, receptivity, acceptance, understanding, compassion, balance, and tenderness. It is through this kind of work and attention that we can begin to be present and receptive for ourselves, so that we can truly show up for others. For wholeness is not contain in each and everyone of us, it is between us; it is beyond the boundaries of our bodies or individual story lines, it exists through community, altruism, and a soft open heart.
This is a home practice sequence I have been working with lately to strengthen my back and open my heart:
- Constructive rest (heels of palms at the heads of the femurs, gentle press 3x to deepen the inhale)
- cat/cow on the back with a block between the thighs to deepen the groins
- Tricky cat (3 breaths per side, 3 rounds)
- knees, chest, chin to the floor --> "gecko armed" low cobra 5x
- hands and knees with hands on blocks (higest facet) step to anjaneyasana (R+L)
- step forward, knees bent, chest to thighs, lead with the heart, press through utkatasana to stand
-tadasana with block between the thighs (focus on deepening groins, grounding in feet, and draping the ribs down to soften the heart, i like to think of the ribs like a heavy velvet curtain)
- 5-10 rounds of breath of joy with block between thighs (aka utkatasana squats with slow, deep inhales and big releasing exhales)
- From tadasana step out wide to left --> prasarita legs (knees slightly bend) walk upper body out to a down dog with hands on blocks --> 1/4 turn to front of mat, reorganize lunge --> 3 legged dog --> warrior1 -->chaturanga to floor-->salabasana--> bent knee down dog -->utkatasana, press to stand
-From tadasana step out wide to right--> prasarita twist --> finish above vinyasa, ending with salabasana
-from salabasana-->Sphinx
-prone savasana
-supta padangustasana A+B (r+l) focus on maintaining natural curves of spine
- ankle to knee (R+L) focus on maintaining natural curves of spine
-Constructive rest + gentle thigh press
- Savasana with lumbar support and blanket or belt to keep the legs neutral
Beautiful Dharma talk about receptivity and soft front body, Caroline. -- Denise
ReplyDeleteThank you Caroline. I love quotes from Roshi Joan. It's awesome to see it connected to Dharma and Asana both.
ReplyDeleteSuch courage to recognize and share what's been going on with you on a physical and emotional level - you will make a breakthrough! On another note, can't imagine what "tricky cat" is - you will have to show me :)
ReplyDeleteI love your notion of wholeness existing through community and connection.
ReplyDeleteGreat 'ah ha holy shit' moment! such a beautiful connection between the emotional challenges and the physical practice. I love the sentiment that wholeness is between us - happy to be part of the whole!
ReplyDeleteThis is a lovely talk and it flows into the sequence nicely. I also do not know what trickey cat pose is- I'm so curious now. Thank you for sharing your reflections. Laura
ReplyDeleteway to come around to noticing what's going on with yourself( always the hardest person to really figure out) and then to really move through your practice and to keep noticing and to change it all up to continue to move and heal
ReplyDeleteYou are so mindful and aware of yourself. Your ability to recognize where you are holding is very impressive because you were willing to not stop at the first possible answer. Instead, you kept exploring. Exploration is key. Lovely :)
ReplyDeleteDitto on the "wholeness is between us"--beautiful, beautifully written, like entire essay. Thinking a tricky cat wags its tail and looks over its shoulder, if a cat has a shoulder...
ReplyDeleteLovely talk and sequence to follow, I can absolutely relate as a chest-thruster, using the front of my body to make it seem like "everything is fine" when the body can not agree less. Thanks for inspiring to SOFTEN the front and keep the backbone sturdy/spacious.
ReplyDeleteyour talk is amazing....I would love to use it as our focus of the month! Sequence is good but if you are trying to get a broad back and soft front, would like to see more broad back as the backbends strengthen the back but doesn't create the broad support that can hold a soft front. What poses create a broad back?
ReplyDelete